Tired..

I know.. I haven't been writing for a long time.. but things on my side have been complicated. Problems with my dance crew.. but we've solved it now and performed at Jerudong Amphitheater last Sunday, 2nd May 2010, 1.30pm. All the 5 B boys and me. It was a blast though I'm not that quite satisfied with it..


Still haven't found a job.. there's always complication. Dad won't send me to work. He says its a waste of his energy and fuel, not knowing that I really need the money to pay for a music class. Speaking of that I guess if I still don't have any money by this 8th May.. I have to stop for two weeks and once I have the money, I have to pay $180 instead of $90.. that's double.. how am I suppose to find that amount of money????


I've done a few sketches.. its been a long time I haven't sketch and first try (for a very long time) it was not bad. Though I am not ashame to say I've improved on the last two drawings, still need a little touch up.. then I'll post it up.


Now after a long of what I call 'work' at home and with my dance crew, I came down with a flu.. "-__-
I can't stop sneezing and coughing but I don't have a rise of temperature.. I've taken some medication..


Dad on one side is still pursuing me into handling his business, he says, "The more you sell, the more you'll get." Its just.. not my style.. yeah sure I can act and give a few sharing moments with potential clients but my dad is looking at the wrong group of clients here. He wants my friends to be the clients, my friends, just like me, are jobless. We don't have hundreds. Even if we have a few $50, we would spent it on university and car fuel and such.. not on the products.. He needs to find married, 40s, couple who would sacrifice anything for their family's health condition. Sometimes I hate it when he persuade me to do things I don't like. What I hate the most about him is that he always.. ALWAYS accuse all my friends to be whores and rapers. SHIT MAN!!! He doesn't even know them!! He called a very religious friend of mine a raper. Who would that makes me feel?? I grew up with my friends for the last 10 years and there he go one day pointing fingers and told me not to hang out with them anymore because they're guys, that they could rape me anytime... WTH???


He is accusing us of teenagers being teenagers well guess what dad, I'm not that kind of teenagers. I don't smoke, I don't do weeds, I don't break rules, I don't abandon my family, I don't do shit with guys, I don't go out late and night and come home in the morning. I am NOTHING at all like those whores. 


Lately I've came across a bunch of girl while I was out. Seriously they really look horrible. Chicken legs, wearing skirt but wearing a pair of jeans, thick make-ups that makes them look like parrots, typical wannabes  hairstyles.. I just wrinkled every time I came across them.. and guess what my guy friends said? "Man they look like whores.. and their boobs are petite.. sorry not our taste.. and look at her eyes.. eww!!"


Seriously girls, true guys prefer inner beauty.. a.k.a. your personality. If a guy flirts around with you when you walk across the shop or streets when you are wearing something like I described above? They just want to get in your pants. I'm serious, I know them. Thus the result of that is early marriage in Brunei, tension. Yeah you may get the guy who screwed you up, but he doesn't love you. Once the baby is born, bye bye, he'll look for another girl because he's 18, still young. I know this because at least half a dozen of my friends suffers from it. 


Why can't you girls noticed that they just want sex? 


And I seriously.. 100% hate muslim girls who smoke, or dye their hair or wear colored contact lens, or wear tudongs but with a fucked up attitude. I don't mind if they wear wig or colored contact lens for performance like I did when I was performing Oliver, at least I can take it off. but permanently? Couple of girlfriends persuaded me to dye my hair dirty blonde.. or strawberry blonde. No way.. not in a million years. I may not be a religious person, but I prefer to stick with God's rules.


Enough with girls, I'm really filtering my girlfriends nowadays. 


Oh yeah Mum.. She feels the responsibility of paying for my classes, but I don't want her too. Plus she doesn't have any money. She spent all her money by 14th April paying for my brother's exam fees and loans. I seriously don't want to burden her. I don't... I want to work on my own and make her proud. If only I have a job. Which is why every time I'm a home I'll do my chores. Clean up the house, do the laundry, do the dishes, everything. Just sometimes she doesn't appreciate that.. she will be mad at me instead if I missed doing just one job. Dad is not helping with our financial problems.. Why does mum has to pay everything? The car? the electric bill? the water bill? the wireless? the house? the Astro? Can't dad contribute something other than food?


I've been persuading mum to let me go to work, she said she's ok with it. Only problem is Dad.. "-__- My last job went so badly because he forced me to quit. I feel so ashame to show my face to my colleagues anymore because of my dad. I hate it. 


So I'm calling the shop tonight, I don't care about the pay, maybe it's $15 per day like usual, which I'm ok with. It'll be at my Aunty's boutique. She ran this boutique at the Mall selling Korean fashions. I love it there. I pray that I will get the job. Amin.