Noticed?..

I slept on the couch last night after watching a movie.. sadly I do not remember its name.. but the movie is about 5 Americans soldier on a mission to save hostages at Columbia, but then got framed for the massacre of Columbian armies who wish to have peace with America. Its an incredibly good story~ (I wish I can remember the name). Slept around 2am feeling paranoid if some ghosts might disturb me to sleep >_<




Woke up around 8.30am after my mum opened the curtain and sunshine stung my eyes =.=


There's a Career Carnival at the International Convention Centre, Berakas, that starts from 13th-17th April 2010. I don't have a job at the moment.. At Elken, I'm still under training. So I've seek for job vacancy this afternoon after my piano class and sent my CV to Standard Chartered. Whilst collecting application forms from KFC, Jollibee, BIBD (Bank Islam Brunei Darussalam) and getting in touch with JPMC (Jerudong Park Medical Center). 


JPMC is a private sector and I think is the right category for me to be in because of my qualifications. I have obtained 9 O levels and passed with straight C in Biology, Chemisty and Mathematics in A-level exams. I targeted being a lab technician. I find it fun, like imagining I'm a CSI and identifying samples from patients XD


I noticed something about me.. and now its starting to annoy me. I noticed that I like to be left alone. Maybe its because of my past.. I once had a bestfriend, back in my childhood.. we grew up together for 5 years until in Grade 6.. he make new friends and we grew apart. He never even want to acknowledge me as his friend.. I guess that had taken me aback.. so strong that I have a hard time trusting people. I always kept a safe distance..


Yes I may look friendly and cheerful around people, but once they turned around at the end of the day, I didn't even bother to call them again. I just let them drift away. Never did make the effort to communicate again unless necessary.


Especially girls.. I've never been a good company around girls. I dunno.. maybe to them I'm.. weird?.. Weird as in, I cook, they don't. I understand guys and live harmony with them, and they can't. I love visual kei and they love.. barbie like?.. They like UK and always dream of meeting the most handsome guy and I don't. I like cute guys, not handsome or muscular guys.. I'm very open-minded in a way that I favour gays and bi-sexuals. 


I dunno.. I just feel more comfortable and at ease around guys.. Girls are just sometimes.. to me.. annoying in a way.. they make a big fuss over a small matter.. "-___- For example..


Girl: Oh my god!! You ate my snack!!
Me: Oh.. sorry.. I'll buy you a new one.
Girl: Do you know how much that cost??? 
Me: Yeah.. 90cents.


I mean.. shesh.. "-__- Or when at the time that one of them was broken-hearted because her partner disappointed her. He apologized for like a hundredth time saying he didnt mean it but she stills cries over him for like weeks.. And refuse to eat, refuse to sleep and always ended up in the hospital. IT IS SO STUPID!!! Because the guy is waiting for her at the front door. She can just open it, make up or what-ever and everything will be ok again. Instead she go for option B.. Weep and wither.. "-__-


Stupid man.. .. 


I guess its because I grew up with guys. They taught me stuffs.. like.. don't gossip, its a waste of time, help out your parents, be loyal, mean what you said, take responsibility, don't mingle with bad guys, don't smoke, don't dye your hair, be natural. Most importantly although I grew up with guys, I'm still me. I don't wear guys clothes or being a bi (as in being les). Its just.. I owe them a lot for shaping me up as I am today. Without them I don't ever think I can see things simpler and not complicated as how girls should be..


Okay you know what?.. I don't think this makes sense.. "-__-


I'm girly.. but not that girly.. I hang out with guys; play games, skates, basketball and stuffs but I'm not a tomboy. And no I do not fall in love with them easily.. I take them as my brothers and really brothers.. We look out for each others (me and the neighborhood).


Technically.. I find befriended with a guy is much more easier than a girl. When a girl cry, I do know how to handle them.. but.. it just doesn't feel right.. More or less one of my bestfriend, a girl, I prefer calling her my girlfriend because she's the only girl I trust more than the others, starting to make me feel bi.. "-__-


I cosplay before, usually female characters but lately (after I had my haircut last November), I keep doing visual kei looks that if I wear a pants, my girlfriend will say, "YOU'RE SO CUTE!!!~~" and then will cling on me for hours.. "-__-


Cute as in cute like a guy cute.. with my pale expression and layered bangs. Even after Oliver! (I star as Oliver Twist in the production).. I learned how to bind myself (as in binding my boobs to make it look flat) and it worked.. I totally looked like a 16 year old cute chinese guy.. and that makes her drool over me even more.. HAHAHAHA 

Me as Oliver. Left is Artful Dodger

At times its hilarious at how easily I can fool girls if I bind myself but at the same time.. ITS CREEPY!!~~ They look at me like they're about to eat me up and stuffs.. really unpleasant feeling.. >_<


A Sagittarius once complemented me.. she said..


Sagittarius: SHIN!!! OMG!!
Me:.. what?.. 0.0
Sagittarius: You know what??
Me:.. What??... 0.0
Sagittarius: You're so cute if you wear mini-skirts and tie your hair~~
Me: .. err.. Thank you.. (is she a les???)
Sagittarius: But then again Shin..
Me:.. y-yes?..
Sagittarius: You can be a cute guy when your hair is short =3
Me:.. .. .. .. .. .. 
Sagittarius: Come here and let me hug you Usagi-kun!!~~
Me:.. .. .. *ran half a mile away from her*
Sagittarius:.. SHIN~~~~~ T_T

HAHAHHAHA one thing about me is I like to joke around and bully people XD Its hilarious~~~~ And my innocent face is an advantage because they never suspected this side of me (the bullying part). I bullied people a lot and they didn't even noticed until they think twice and finally look at me with big eyes. My grin gave me away. 

So tired..

Saturday,


Amit Liya and Amit Lina picked us up from home and drove to Lumut, KB. At night, Usu Jai and his family (Usu Lin, Qadisya, Qaiz and Watrish) came by at my granny's to celebrate Alif Hamizan's birthday~

i

The Blueberry Black Forest Cake~~

The plate

Chocolate Ice-cream cake~

My aunt and Qaiz

Soon after that around 9pm, I borrowed my Angah's laptop and played a game. I was so obsessed in the game that I stopped around 1am >_<

I was thinking of sleeping besides my mum upstairs but since I hardly come to my granny's, I slept besides my grandma instead =D  I have a hard time falling to sleep so I listened to SuJu's 3rd album.. I was already drowsed off to sleep when my grandma woke me up and telling me stories. I didn't listened to her until the end because I fall into deep sleep afterwards XD

Sunday,

We held Majlis Berdikir for my youngest cousin, Ain. So all day long I helped my family setting everything. Making sure everything is ready for the event. Actually I was supposed to be at A'aqiil place for a BBQ and somehow have to squeeze my time to attend Afeek's BBQ party at the beach.. Now how can I possibly do that?.. Around 2pm (I think) I called Fecks Ali just to hear their voices (my SEEDS members). The day worn me out but I slept late anyway after I got home. Talk about adrenaline rush.. =3

Me and Adawiyah

Uda, my mum and Angah

Ain and her mother (my aunt)

Me and my precious grandmother

Monday,

Went to dance rehearsal in the morning and it was good. Lots of improvement and I'm catching up =3

Tuesday,

Pretty much just chilling at home until Fecks Ali text me around 10pm regarding to our trip to Awang Semaun Secondary School tomorrow. I don't have a transportation, so I request Zahid to pick me up and he said, "Okay. Just be ready around 6"

Wednesday,

Really sleepy.. woke up at 5.30am. Zahid picked me up,we picked up A'aqiil and then head to the town; Bandar Seri Begawa's tambing and ride a water taxi. Honestly I'm really afraid of the water so all the way through the lake, I hold on very tightly to my seat >_<

Apparently the school has a Price Giving Ceremony and are opening up exhibition booth. Now one booth is under Mr Syaf's Media Club. Mr Syaf is the director of SEEDS, the society where I acted, sing and dance for our first ever production, Oliver Twist. Mr Syaf requested a bit of a drama from the production, which is why he called us the day before to come to the school. The one who came were Zahid, A'aqiil, Fecks and me. A'aqiil, Fecks and Mr Syaf are one family so things were cool~

Its really fun hanging out with them~

We do spontaneous and crazy stuffs together until around 2pm where they dropped me off at home.

One of our crazy pictures. This is Zahid.

To see our crazy day.. Click here Our video of the day

Oh yeah, I've managed to taped myself playing Aoi's solo in Reila. Aoi is a guitarist from Gazette (my most favorite band). Reila is one of their most top song. Click here for the video Me playing Aoi's solo.

I was really tired from the trip, then I have to endure another 6 hours worth of fatigue because its Wednesday. Every wednesday evening I have to go Elken center at Batu Bersurat for my training. As usual I expected to see my dad's associates and was surprised that his associate saved me a seat besides a chinese guy. I've met him on my first week but we never spoke. 

That night was really fun!! The lesson, the interaction and I get to make friends with him. It was not until after lesson that we were so engrossed with each other about Japanese language, Akazukin Cha Cha and about our busy daily life. Its really fun knowing him, he's hyper. He's in UBD, second year I believe, older than me and have a unique way of calling me. He call me Ocean instead of Oshin.. even after I spelled out my name for him.. "-__-

Arrived home around 1am.. surprised to see both my mum and brother are still wide awake, watching TV and having supper. I slept on the couch that night, accompanied by Tiger.

Thursday,

Supposed to be I have a dance practice but they can't make it so I just curled up on the couch until 9.30am. Woke up with tears rolling down on my cheek because I had a major nightmare.. I dream that I bought two tickets for prom so that I will have a good time with my boyfriend but he bought a single ticket for another girl. And instead of me sitting besides him, it was that girl.. and he kissed her.. in front of me. Now tell me how I feel?.. 7 years loving him, supporting him, caring for him and now seeing him kissed another girl??? UNACCEPTABLE!!!

So what was my reaction?.. I FREAKED OUT!! I YELLED AT THE GIRL THAT SHE HAS NO RIGHT OR WHAT-SO-EVER!!! But this is what she replied, "I'm his ideal type, his parents loves me, I'm a high-class girl, I wear tudong and I'm a really good girl."

GOOD GIRL MY ASS I DON'T CARE!!! Plus.. what type of a good-girl who steals other's boyfriend??? 

That boy is mine and I ain't giving or sharing him with another girl. I may not be the nicest or the prettiest, but at least I'm LOYAL!! LOYAL TO THE CORE!!

Yeah I cried when I woke up and text my boyfriend after that. I feel relieved after seeing him replied back shocked to see me texting him because he was on the phone with a client and he was relieved he didn't screamed when the mobile vibrated >_<

HAHAHA.. sorry >_< 

I love him so much.. really I do.. and I seriously.. really.. honestly don't want to lose him. 

Anyhow.. relax the whole day.. but couldn't get the dream out of my mind.. Until mum came home with two hamsters~~~

Aww~~ New lodgers in the house!!!~~

Piano

Woke up today searching for Shiro (my ginger cat) because last night he was sleeping with me. Long story short, picked up my brother from tution class, went to Sumbangsih Market, have my lunch, went back home.

I forgot about my piano class which was why I rushed last night practicing three pieces which my teacher, Miss Michelle gave me for my homework. Then polished it around 1PM before running off to class at 2PM at Expression Music at Kiulap.

Miss Michelle advised me to polish up my rhythm.. I understand why.. I am at Grade 1 now after starting off this January, currently learning Jazz and Blues songs today. I wish I can warped Grade 1 by June.. then again what's the use of advancing so fast when I haven't mastered the techniques very well. I'm just at "Good".. I want to be at "Excellent".

Studying at Expression Music to me is a blessing, its' my dream school and finally I can study there. I am 18, turning to 19 this June, taking piano class. I feel uncomfortable every time we have choir practice (Its every Friday at 5.30-6.30PM), maybe its because of my age as most of the students there are kids from different races. Expression Music is a very high-class and prestige music school. The students there are generally from high-class people.. so me from a normal family (shall I say that?) have a hard time paying for my tuition every month >_<

This evening, we were practicing choir and then everytime I sing, there is this girl in front of me keeps looking back at me.. like I sang the wrong note or something.. but the teacher said that I hit the right note, she even make me their example.. Maybe I'm just paranoid.. but she keeps looking back at me for like nine times >_< Its freaky.. Maybe my voice is loud.. I dunno.. I just don't like being observed or stared at.

Other than that I am in a very tight financial problem. I was supposed to buy a textbook today but I really don't have any money.. and I am not working. Car broke down, dad won't send me to work anymore. I quit last January. 

I really wish I can work so I can at least buy some food for me to eat and pay for my classes in the future.

On the bright side, Fawzul got a job =3 

He is working at a bank and I am really happy for him. Around 9.30PM today I had a sudden urge to call him.. Out of the blue.. I miss him. I called him and guess what, he was just about to call me >_<

I really love him, I can see my future with him.. everything. He's the reason of me living now, there is no other man that can love me as much as he does. Its really hard to explain.. but I love him.. very much.

Fatigue

Yesterday (wednesday), I woke up just in time, which was 5 minutes before Rafi and Kinah came over in the morning >_< 


We spent the morning reviewing the remixed song, spotting some mistakes and adding a few effect to the song. Around 10AM we went to Giant hunting our costume. We are not confirmed yet in making to the final, but we want to prepare just in case. If we don't make it, well, we can use the costume for our video parody XD


I was worrying the whole time going out with them because I don't have money at all.. maybe a few cents but certainly not enough for me to buy some food =S


We went to the Mall and squealed when we found a pink hooded half-jacket and pink pants at Ego Women. We can certainly use that for our "Gee" and "Oh" parody~~~ We just targeted the costume, we didn't book it or anything. I wanted to find some clothes at Tim Tim Collection but it was closed temporarily.. and on the glass window posted, "Sales girl wanted" so without further ado, I jotted down the company's phone number. I've always known the owner for 3 years now and we are quite close. Plus the stores ordered the clothes from Korea and having an advantage to speak korean makes me wants to greet costumers in korean and attract even more costumers to the store XD


I went to have a nap in the afternoon due to lack of sleep. Around 7PM, my dad said that he wants to take me to a gathering, Elken company and he stated that he wants me to learn business and work under him. I said, "Sure why not I give it a try."


He told me to dressed up formally, possibly wearing a red blouse, but I don't have a red blouse so I just wore a black one instead. After getting dressed mum complimented me, she said I look like one of those elegant business women >_<


The gathering starts at 8.00PM and ended up somewhere around 10PM. I know what a gathering is like, when it says, "ends at 10PM", I know it will end later than that, perhaps an hour later.


Upon arriving I was greeted by my dad's friends, a couple of successful business man dressed in white blouse with red tie and black blazer and pants. Really formal. The way he shook my hand was different and he said, "If you want to be in the company, be in the family." and I was greeted by a lot of people after then. The men wore the exact outfit as the man before and all the women were dressed in stunning red blouse and black pants, some wore skirt and some wore tudong as well. 90% of them are in their middle age, I'm the youngest member.


The community startled me, they are very different, the way they shake hands, the way the clap (the rhythm), the way they dressed and the way they talked. They always say, "Luarbiasa" which is "Astonishing". They greeted me "Good Morning" instead of "Good evening".. My first impression was of course, "Omg I think I'm in a cult!!!"


Yes I know silly though of me but then, every action they made has it own meaning, like saying "Good Morning" makes our brain alert of our surrounding, if we say, "Good Evening", our body and mind are processing the time when we are about to go to bed. The handshake does has it own meaning, first gesture is saying, "I am healthy", second gesture means, "You are healthy" and the last gesture seals it off with "Together we are both healthy.. or.. .. May God bless you always" Its complicated.. but is really awesome.


The gathering actually are preparing the trainees (like me), for upcoming challenges and they imported two millionaires from Malaysia to share their life as how they had become successful after joining Elken.


I can't say how we actually gain such big amounts of money but all I can say is, it is real. It is not a scam at all and after studying their marketing plan and techniques I am 110% convinced that I too can become a millionaire after graduating from here. Dad already received $400+ after working there for a week. The salary is not based on hours or month, but commissions. The more products we can sale, the higher our income. So if I managed to sell one product in a week, I will get around $450. Imagine if I can sell around 3 products a week?


Again I can't say much but studying there is really fun and I am determined to excell there. No no fees at all. The lesson goes on from 8.30PM untill 11PM where around 11PM all the Managers, senior managers and their downlines gathered for a meeting where I was welcome to gain experience by my dad's acquaintance.


My dad and I went home around 12PM and stopped by to buy nasi katok. We slept around 2AM and had to wake up 4 hours later. Dad has to go to work and I have dance rehearsal at Menglait.


As soon as I got home from my rehearsal around 12.30PM, I took a quick shower, had my lunch and fall into a deep sleep. Woke up at 6PM.. And now practicing piano skills because I have my class tomorrow and I haven't even do my homework.  

Welcome to the new lodgers

I took the sunday off, just relaxing and having fun at home.

Yesterday Kin and Rafi visited me in the morning, when I just woke up and was having a shower.. "-__-

We agreed on some songs to remix for the final, that is if we make it to the final. B-mobile subscribers, to vote use, type WGT(space)19 and send to 38833. I've successfully remixed it and sent it to my boyfriend online, who had just reached home from work. He said it's asweome~

It really mean a lot to me because I remix a lot of songs but no one can make me feel more appreciate than hearing it from my own boyfriend. Thank you oppa =3

This morning, I woke up by cats meowing. I thought it was Stuck at first, but the voice is so high pitched. Then it hit me, Guren. Guren is one of the two female cats in the house and guess what, she's already two months pregnant. I searched for her and found four kittens laying next to her. SO CUTE!!!

One a taby, one ginger, one pure white and the last is a pure black. I go for the pure black kitten because I have wanted one for a long time already.

I spent the evening falling asleep and cursed to find out that I have slept until 4.30pm and mum and dad will be home soon. So I rushed to pick up the laundry, wash the dishes, sweep the floor and iron the clothes and finished exactly when they come home >_<

Phew.. ..

Oh yeah, Leverage season 2 and NCIS LA would be on air tonight from 9-11pm. I do not want to miss it so I'm going to shower now and prepare dinner early.

Who's Got Talent Season 2

So today is the big day. Woke up around 6.30pm by hearing my mum talked about me in the kitchen. Managed to ate a bun because I was following my brother to school because I have a dance rehearsal at the building besides his school; Menglait Sport Complex.

Kinah, Rafi, Fawzul and I rehearsed our hearts out. Went to my house around 11.30am for lunch. They had lunch, I have to re-edit our song for the final piece. I didn't get to eat.

12pm we rushed to Cheese Box Restaurant at the Mall, Gadong, for our rehearsal with other contestants. After registered and confirmed our names, my baby boy treated me to a quick snack. He bought me my favorite bun =3 Thank you so much~~ I was so hungry >_<

The weather was scorching hot @_@ The stage for bands and musicians were set, but the stage for dancers were not. So we have to wait for them to set it up. Around 2.30pm the dancers get to rehearse.

There were so many contestants. I met Red (Ridhwan), whom was dancing contemporary hip hop as a soloist, and who happened to be my dance partner during a Dance and Drama workshop organised by SEEDS and Relentless Entertainment last 28th March 2010. He was impressed with our crew and he said he will vote us.

After testing the stage and checking the song, we went back to my place around 3 to have a rest

Oh yeah to bmobile subscriber, if you think we, Y.E.A. Crew are good, vote us by typing WGT19.

When it was our turn to performed, we recite a prayer lead by Rafi. We dance and did our best, despite making mistakes we managed to cover it up. The crowd was awesome~~~

We danced the first 2:13 of NLT "Let me know" and the crowd went.. "Nice.." then changing song and Rafi and Fawzul did a twister where Fawzul spun Rafi around, the crowd goes, "WOW!!!!!"

Then Fawzul's solo began, he used Rainism, and the crowd was so intense watching him danced that when he did a split, the crowd goes like, "ooohhh.. >_<"

Kin's solo was really cute~~ We can hear the crowd goes, "CUTE!!!~~ GYAAAAAH!!!~~ AWESOME!!!~~" while we turned our back against her.

My solo was unexpected, since it was a freestyle, I use the english Chocolate love by F(X), and dance to it for about 16sec. That was more than enough to make the crowd gapped. I do not know if my dance was awesome or the other way around.

When Rafi's solo came.. oh my god.. the cheering was so loud I'm afraid my eardrum would burst @_@

Overall it was okay, I had an adrenaline rush where I did not even noticed where the camera was or whether people were filming us. I just.. danced 0.0

We went to the foodcourt to chill for a while before heading home. It was already 7.30pm. By the time I got home.. I couldn't helped but to cry when I stepped out of the car because.. I made a mistake.. and I am really afraid if it is very clearly shown in the video recorded. I am afraid to get scolded which would eventually lead to my dismissal from the crew.. I am really afraid of that.

Thank to my crew, they wiped my tears away starting with my boyfriend. He noticed me and hugged me very tightly and said that everything will be okay. I finally stopped crying when all the crew hugged me at once. All of the commotion, I'm afraid my mum would be angry with me so I stopped crying.

After I got inside the house with Kinah, my mum went, "How did it go?" then we explained to her that we would be voted. Voting will be closed at 17th May 2010. If dancers won the first price, they would be given a month worth of scholarship to London and trained by elites.

As soon as she heard that she was like, "I'll vote for you guys and persuades my friends to vote you. I'm proud of you." That was the first time ever she said she is proud of me for dancing. Usually? It always goes on like, "dancing?? What's the point?? You're wasting your time."

In fact I am not, I have been training for a moment like this. To performed on stage. My dream came true in only 5 minutes. Thank you Allah =3

A miracle?

Okay.. The competition is tomorrow. Who's Got Talent season 2 organised by Relentless Entertainment and supported by b.mobile of Brunei.

So many work to be done with so little time. First thing first I did not let my personal problems gets the best of me. I left it all behind, if that person wants to argue with me, sorry, I am not available for two days.

Today, I woke up at 7 and rushed off to shower and breakfast. Kinah gave me a ride and together we went to Menglait Sport Complex to choreograph a new routine. That's right in just 3 hours, from 8-11am. It was a miracle, we completed the song and agreed to make a remix version to it. The task was up to me, I have to remix songs for our individual solos.

I use NLT (Let me Know), Rain (Rainism), Kara (Mister), F(x) (Chocolate Love), Beast (Shock) and Flo-rida feat. T-pain (Low). I only use a portion of each songs. and the task is not easy. I don't have most of the song so I I have to download it again. Remixing is not a easy job. It takes about 2 hours to complete one song.

Everything was last minute. The song, the routine, our costume.. >_<

We spent half of the day practicing and half of the day worrying..

I have to head to sleep early but since I am remixing the songs.. I'm still up. Its now 11.13pm..

After this I will head to bed. I am really exhausted.. T_T

An opportunity

I think I got the shock of my life when I received a call earlier this evening from Relentless Entertainment. They called to informed that my crew had passed the preliminary round and we are summon for a competition this Saturday night. Yes that's only two days away.

Last week I have submitted a video of my crew dancing to the song All 4 One, originally performed by Last 4 One crew of Korea, to Who's Got Talent season 2 competition. We were only trying out. I have been going through a lot posting up the video, editing the video which caused a great deal with our manager. Apparently she was not happy with how I edited the video. Okay maybe it was my fault, but she doesn't have to get so angry and talked bullshit. She can ask me politely to edit it again and for sure I'll edit it again. Instead when she talked like that.. I feel offended, so I go offline from MSN (from where we usually talk things about), go to my workstation and edit the video again.

Having the trouble to upload it online and slept at 4AM.. I was expecting a "Thank you".. but that didn't happened.

Now new problem arises. Who would compete for that day? What routine and what song should we use? Would she allow the girls to compete this time? In the video there were only 5 B-boys, but they need a new routine and we only practiced for another routine. However, it is a couple routine, focusing mainly on contemporary and lyrical hip hop. we have no other choice but to use only two of the original member for the video, Ruffy (choreographer) and my boyfriend, Fawzul. Alongside with that their partner would be our other choreographer (Kinah) and me. So the four of us will sharpen and perfect the new routine in just a day and a half and then compete on saturday.

I am positively sure that our manager would went berserk if she heard about this... but I don't care. The four of us are the original member of the crew, and she only joined in last year in May. Young Energetic Amigos crew was officially established in February 2009.

Great news is our director is really supportive =D She is actually the founder of this crew, alongside with Kinah and Pie.

So.. I hope we'll be able to give our best shot for the competition. After that has been set.. I forgot about what we should wear for the competition.. "-__-

Everything had been so last minute..