Hypothermia..

Dad went to the UBD on Thursday to take my official offer letter from the university. Since I'm currently doing my attachment at RIPAS. I can't go out. So far it was fun~ I learnt a lot in hope this experience of mine will benefits me in my future course in UBD, under the Faculty of Medicine, The Bachelor of Health Science, Biomedical Science. 


Registration would be tomorrow (Sunday) from 8AM until 4PM. When I'm reading all the forms and agreement to be fill, I frowned reading one.. I've been given a scholarship by the Ministry of Education of Brunei Darussalam, informing me that they will be paying for my fee there, for the full 4 years, they would also be paying for my allowances. In exchange, after I graduated from the university, I must, if they want to, work with them for a minimum of 5 years.. .. .. .. .. Shit.. .. .. .. .. .. 


I've been trying to get away from getting a scholarship from the MoE and now I've just got one.. .. *sigh*


Japanese scholarship? No I won't mind =D Its because of the culture where I seriously feel I'm fit in more there than here.


For example in terms of food..


Bruneian food are spicy, oily and fatty.. Its delicious I'd give you for that, but it is also one of the factor that leads of obesity here, I'm totally freaked out by it. I can't eat spicy food. Why?


Because last night (Fruday night), my dad insisted of having to eat at a curry house.. I hate curry.. I just go along. I ordered Nasi Goreng Pattaya (a Thai fried rice). I specifically told them to not add chilli or anything spicy. But they did it anyway.. "-__-  I was so hungry that I just ate it for the sake of my dad.


Next morning (today), I woke up with a really sore throat, I just drink lots of warm water and went off to work. After spending 2 hours in the laboratory, my sore throat worsen.. I feel nauseas too. Maybe because of the condition there but the place was completely sterilize, so there's just no way I'm feeling this way because of the chemical. Plus it didn't affect other people in the same area. So I took the day off and went home. Feeling really sea-sick, I feel like I'd throw up anytime soon @_@


Upon reaching home I fall asleep and once I wake up, I have a fever.. Just shit man.. the temperature there really affects me.. Which is why I hate the cold. 


I don't know when this starts, but I guess since I'm a kid. I can't stand the cold. Yeah maybe to you it's no big deal, just wear fur jacket and stuffs. What you don't know about me is I can't feel the sunlight's warmth.. You can ask me to stand for hours under the sun, I'd just get tanned, but I seriously can't feel the heat. Under air-conditioned room however, the first few minutes is ok, but if I don't grab my jacket soon, I'll be frozen. It'll start off with my nose, then I'd slowly beginning to lose the sensation on my fingertips. Wait for two hours and I'll suffer from chattering teeth and I can feel the coldness piercing throw my bones. Its freaking painful man. Although I can endure it but if I don't get out from that condition, I'll fall ill. It'll take me around 4 hours to gain my normal body temperature.


That's exactly what happened to me at work today. When I woke up in the afternoon my body feels so hot and I got headache.. I just took paracetamol fluid (cuz I seriously hate the pills) and rest up. I've drank a lot of water as advices by my friend in Singapore, Abraham Lee. I've been falling ill this month.. this is the third time.. this month. My condition is worsening..


I seriously need to see a specialist too. My right kneecap is killing me. The pain comes and go every three months or so. Every time it strikes, it's much more worst than before. Last time I fall down when I was shopping. The pain is killing me that I can't move my right leg at all for two days. My mum and I thought its because I lack of calcium, but we're not doctors so yeah I need a specialist to diagnose me. My grandma had the same thing, but she's suffering it on her left kneecap. Maybe its hereditary who knows right? 


Aidi came by to my house this afternoon (around an hour after I woke up). Aidi has been recruited by the army earlier this May and today was his day off at the camp. He said they were allowed to come home once every two weeks. I miss him.. His white cap is still with me XD


It was so nice to see him, he bought along his friend too and we just talked about life. He's the only one who called me Shun instead of Shin or Oshin or Shinku.. .. .. "-__- Shun is like.. a guy's name in Japanese.. but Shin can also represent a guy's name.. *sigh* oh well.. 


Oh my brother bought a bluray movie: A-team. My mum, my bro and I watched it and it was so hilarious!!~~ Murdock reminds me of Ko-ki's craziness!!~~ HAHAHHAHA I enjoy laughing my ass off!!!


Despicable Me is also a really good 3D comedy if you're looking for one. I intend to buy one for mum cuz I seriously enjoy laughing out loud until I cried XD

Soubi and Ritsuka

Natsuo X Youji

Kyouya X Yamato

Loveless. I found the DVD recently and watched it this evening. *sigh dreamily* I really love the story concept of Fighter and Sacrifice. Of about two persons sharing the same name is fate. That sooner or later they would meet each other. I think my favourite pairing would be of course Soubi and Loveless, with Yamato and Kyouya. 


Although they're les and gay, they really shows what loves mean. To sacrifice everything for the one they love and would do anything to protect them. If I were to live in their world, I would be a Fighter like Kyouya. I won't let anything happened to my Sacrifice, but at the same time I would be like Soubi too, I'd do anything and be there for him. Anywhere he wants me to. His words are my orders. Yeah I like the guy to give me orders and treat me like a pet. At least by that I know I'm loved. That's just how Soubi was when Seimei was still alive. 


Nevertheless, eventhough the pairs are bonded like that (you don't need a cellphone to know your partner's location), a bond so strong that it can only be broken by death.. .. I wonder if I had one but he/she died .. I'll be a living corpse, just like Soubi did. Because the concept is that.. there is only one for you. Along the way you might meet a prototype, the one you'd think belongs to you. It will be not until he/she left that you'd started to realized, "Ahh.. he/she's not the one.." 


Yeah if I have a lover later in life, I won't mind if fate bind us together even if my lover would be a girl. If its fate, I'll give all my heart. But before that let's just hope I won't have to meet any prototypes again.. "-__-


Oh my name?.. Hmm.. it would be Scarless. I won't lose a fight and scar my sacrifice. Even if I'm the sacrifice I believe he/she won't stand to see me hurt. I believe in you.. No matter where you are.

Admission

Sai came over to my house on Thursday to study Japanese Maths with me. The exam is on Friday and I really need to toughen up!~~~ XD


We had fun studying~ As in really studying. When we study it was like.. total silent.. .. .. .. .. .. I couldn't stand it >_<


We studied the past year paper, as in the Makubext qualifying paper in hope we could score the exam >_< Japanese Maths are different from the one I study, UK. In a sense that they don't use calculator to make any calculation and the questions are like.. high tech 0.0


On Friday I woke up extra early in fear I would be late for the exam. I have to sit for 5 exams: English, Japanese, Maths, Chemistry and Physics. I really don't care for English.. I've sat for it and its really easy XD Anyway I promised Sai I would be over around 8.30am. The embassy people told us to come around 8.45am. We just wanna come early.. Just to be on the save side.


9AM - I sat for English (Awesome~~ Its easy)
10AM -  I sat for Maths (phew I managed to answer a few questions)
11AM - I sat for Japanese (I managed to answer most questions =D)
2PM - I sat for Chemistry (was quite ok)
3PM - Time for Physics (Insane man.. I didnt even take physics for my A levels. I just study it personally)


My seat was directly in front of the air-cond and I was freezing!!! I didnt even bother to wear a Baju Kurung because this is the Japanese Embassy, not the MoE.. So you could say I don't give a crud. I just wear what normal international student wear. A blouse and a plain jeans. 


Around 12PM I request my dad to send me over to Misato Restaurant. I really miss having Chicken Teriyaki Don as my lunch. When we got there I was like, "Awesooooooooome!!~~" 


I usually go there up to the point where the waitress says, "Irrashaimase Shinku~~" I feel like home!!~~ Dad wanted to seat at a table for 4, but I insisted that we sit on the counter, in front of the Sushi chef. I ordered Chicken Teriyaki Don, miso soup (my favorite soup~~~) and a green tea =D


The green tea is actually really bitter sometimes but I was so hungry that I ate my lunch really quickly and took a sip of the tea so quickly despite its really hot. It taste nothing more than a hot water to me XD I think its because of the teriyaki sauce, its so salty then the tea somehow neutralize it. Dad watched the sushi chef the whole time. He's mesmerised by the art.


After paying for lunch we head to my music school which is just around the same area. Not far from the embassy and the restaurant; only a few blocks away. I request for leave from my music teacher and she said ok, I just need to sign a form. I didn't know I had to sign a form~~~ Yet I was absent for two whole weeks already >_<


Reason why I need the leave for just a month (this July) is because I'm doing an attachment at a local hospital here; RIPAS, from 19th to 24th July and I'm having an orientation week before semester began on a local university; UBD. Actually it was just a lucky guess that the orientation week starts on 26th, but when I checked out the web, I was right XD


I registered for Skype and my first friend I added to my contact list is Farhan XD I call him Hikaru though. Adi is Kaoru and still is Kaoru. I took some crazy pic while video calling with him.

Me with a Choco Teddy Bear bun XD

Ahh~~ Blueberry Danish~~ One of my favorite.

Sunday, Kin unnie picked me up from home around 8.30AM and drove off to the Menglait complex for our dance practice. Supposedly some new kids were going to audition to join our crew but they couldn't make it. Among the list was Adi Rusydi. Who is he? Hmm.. We started off as classmates, then he's my boyfriend, then we separated and now we support each other like we never did before. Yeah I love him, as a really close bestfriend and nothing more. 


Speaking of boyfriend.. my boy finally called it off on that day. I cried, hell yeah.. Who wouldn't..? He's my loyal bestfriend, my twin, my everything.. but when we finally belong to each other.. we feel like we're not.. I dunno.. its just strange.. like somethings wrong.. So he set me free. Maybe its the pressure of being the ideal couple. We've been together for more than a year now. His side are more religious, me on the other hand are not. I like bizarre things that a gf supposed to not like.. example Visual Kei. Its just hard for me to have to hide my true colors just for the sake of being together. 


Maybe one day I'll find a musicians.. a better man who could love me for me. We'll see =) Though what I have in mind is someone like Ko-Ki (ViViD). I really fell for him @_@ I even dream of him the other night~ Even so I don't want to be involve in any relationship now. I want to enjoy my life, living only for my music. I wanna open up to people and see if they can accept me for me and not setting some standard for me so that they could like me. Well that usually happened to me in a production, but my life is not a production. I'm me. If its about cosplaying or acting I don't mind, but my life is my life.


It was still raining in the evening. Lately its always raining starting from the evening and last until the next morning. I fell in love with SID's latest song "Rain" that I did a ballad cover for it. Using a piano as the only background music. Here's the video if you want to hear my performance. I've added subtitles to make your life easier because the song is in Japanese. Shinku - Rain (Ballad version)


Today (Monday), I started my first attachment day. I've requested to do a shadow attachment at the Laboratory Department in RIPAS, but they broken down the sections of the department into days. I only have 5 days so everyday I'll work at different areas. Its really funny because I was supposed to be studying in a uni first before I went for attachment. But this one? I'm doing the attachment a week before my semester starts XD 


I think tonight was one of my most shocking moment as I scrolled down the UBD 1st intake 2010 list and found my name listed as one of the 12 students selected to study Bachelor of Health Sciences; Biomedical Sciences. Mum and Dad was so proud they call their relatives.. I on the other hand couldn't believe my eyes. I actually have 50:50 mindset on getting admitted to the university. The course needs a minimum tariff points of 240 (Grade CCC of A-Levels), which is exactly what I achieved. But I got admitted anyway 0.0


Okay so this Thursday I must go to the faculty and get my official letter of offer, but I couldn't go because I'm having an attachment at the Hematology department that day. Then registration would be on Sunday. Sunday.. that is so unique.. Next thing is finding Marvin!!~~~ HHAHAHHA My senpai so he can treat me ice-cream!!!~


I can't wait to start uni life =D It'll be so cool!! I wanna take Japanese language and join the Japanese club, not for anime, I'm SERIOUSLY  NOT A FREAKING OTAKU. I join for the culture and the passion I have for it. I wanna bully Marv on every opportunity I can get on campus XD And I want to enjoy walking fom one block to the other~ I wanna enjoy studying in the library. I wanna feels what its like to be an adult.


Now I need to sleep. Good night world~~ I wanna dream of Ko-ki and IV tonight XD

Stress reliever

I've been studying this past few days preparing for my scholarship. Honestly I'm stressed out. I wanna do my best and win the scholarship and I won't give it up without a fight. I've been seeking help from my friends because I've been missing some notes. Don't ask me.. sometimes I can be plain lazy organizing my notes for Maths. For Maths only, other subjects are organised perfectly. 


No its not because I fail maths or hate it, I love Maths very much that in time I tend to take it for granted. 


When I'm studying I always, always listen to music, it keeps my brain alert and I can memorize the subject easily. Listening to ViViD's song, I leave MSN open in case someone wants to find me. By around 11.30AM, my senpai, Marv, from UBD (no I haven't started yet, I just call him senpai in respect), texted me at MSN...


Marv: Shinku, what r u revising for? 0.0
Shinku: Oh I have exams this Friday
Marv: Wat exams??
Shinku: The Japanese scholarship
Marv:.. .. .. ..
Shinku: What?? 0.0
Marv: Geek.. ..
Shinku: ???
Marv: You're a geek!!~~
Shinku:.. .. .. No I'm not.. "-__- I'm a student, a student study.
Marv: Well I don't XD
Shinku: "-__-
Marv: That makes you a geek!!
Shinku: Do you even know what that word mean?.. "-___-


Haha it was fun chatting with him although I have to go by midnight, I was tired after revising for a whole day.


Today (Wednesday) I went out with my brother and cousins from my father's side to watch a movie. One of the eldest cousin, Abang Amir treat us for a movie, Despicable Me. I've never actually hang out with my cousins so yeah why not right? 


Abng Amir picked my brother and I up around 1.30PM and dropped us with Kairi and Malik (his younger brother) at the Mall. He had to pick up Ira, Muiz and Hakim all around the district >_<


So the four of us don't know what we should do so we just go for window shopping. While at it I found a really nice jacket. I was searching for some outfit for me to crossdress. Found one black hooded jacket. It's really unique in a way that there is only one of it. The design had a blooming red rose on the left chest and the interior jacket is printed white with black outline of roses. I love it very much. Just my type. And my size!!! When I asked for the price, it was $69.90. *gulp* I left it.. T_T I hope I could come up with the money to buy it. I'm really fussy when it comes to outfit. I always go for the rarest because I don't want to look like everybody else. 


Next I came across a wig store. They sale mostly women's hair but I found some really short hair which could make up a guy visual kei hairstyle. The color is orange with blonde highlights. The perfect color for me if I were a guy. The price? Oh it's $25. Currently I only have $14. Not to mention to buy a wig mean I have to buy the hairnet and the product to take care of it. I just don't have the money for it at the moment. 


Feeling tired, Malik, Khairi, Abdul (my bro) and I went to grab a cup of ice-cream at Gelato. While I was indulging my cappuccino ice-cream, a guy passed by our table and headed for the counter and ordered something. He had his back against me but he's just so cute!!~~ His hair is black with blonde highlight and he style it the visual kei windy hairstyle. He had this black hooded jacket and black jean. As soon as I said, "Cute", Malik told me that he's a girl. I went.. ehh???!!! She turned and yes.. its a girl.. A crossdresser.. A good one too. She suits to be a guy more. 


Malik went on and tell me that she works at EGM, a video game store. As soon as I finished my ice-cream I went to the place just to get a glimpse of her once again. I still treated her as a guy instead of a girl. Disappointed.. I couldn't find her. Just when I was leaving the store, she walks in.. "-__-  I keep thinking, "If only she was a guy..."


I must be going crazy.. I like girls?.. Ok I admit I tend to be a Bi sometime but I'm still into guys. And girls who look and dressed like guys.. ahh.. just my type. And guys who have cute, sweet facial expression is also my type.. Weird maybe but I dunno. I'm just not like everybody else.


When Ira, Muiz, Hakim and Abg Amir arrived, I asked for Ira's company to search for some accessories around the Mall. We went to this one store and the accessories suits perfectly for a visual kei appearance.. not to mention the price is also.. "pretty". The salesgirl was nice. Usually I don't like salesgirls because they're not really paying attention to what we want but this girl, she's really the girly type but she helped me a lot in deciding which accessories goes best with which look. I told her about a guy's character (actually my own, if I were a guy) and she finds me the items. Really helpful. I shall come back there and buy it. 


Watching Despicable Me is really fun!!~~ I get to laugh a lot and tears actually run down my cheeks. Ahh man.. I ruined my make-up XD


Afterwards we went to my cousin house and from there went on to my other cousin house (our married cousin) to celebrate their daugther's birthday. Still a kid. It was raining heavily and I was drenched. I didn't mind though. I've never got wet in a rain and standing under the rain.. it feels like.. my sorrow is being washed away with my warmth.. 


Eventhough I had a really good time. Sadness still overwhelms me. I just hides it under the smiles..


When I got home I heard Sid's new song, Rain. After actually listening to the song I cried. I didn't realized the tears rolling down my cheeks.. not after the song has ended. Its really sad.. .. 


I'm overdriven with guilty at the same time. Its about my boyfriend. I'm seriously not the type of person to break my promise. I've made a promise that I will never leave him again and that eats me away.. I can't leave him.. and I want to keep my promise. That somehow ended up eating me away.. I don't know.. 


Maybe I wanted to be free.. To be able to actually feel what does it mean to be love by some one. Some one I could trust with all my heart and never question. I never actually did that.. So I don't know how it feels like. 


All I'm feeling now is emptiness.. .. really empty. Its like.. I'm locked up in a room where I can have anything except love.. Waiting endlessly for my 'master' to open the door and love me. Which hardly did open. As the time goes by.. the longer he disappeared.. the faith I have for him slowly fades away and I feel guilty for it. But what can I do?? Convincing myself over and over again that I am love?.. .. But I just can't feel any.. How am I supposed to believe?.. 


Everyday I keep telling myself, "You are loved." But with no proof the feelings slowly fades away.


Sid's song describe my current feelings perfectly. I wish things can go back to where it was before but I'm not sure anymore.. I cried.. I can just cry..

SID - Rain

June’s lies and the truth in front of my eyes 

are put away in sepia tones,

Nestling close to one another, feeling your warmth,

I don’t understand those things anymore

“You’ll be fine on your own… right?” you said, 

forcing it upon me and then you said goodbye

If it’s going to be that kind of consolation,

 then I should be tired of hearing it by now

Endlessly ringing; 

the merciless memories seem to have no intention of forgiving me

If i close my eyes they will only grow surrounding me at a distance you laugh

Will the rain ever stop, I wonder?

 For a pretty long time now it’s been cold

Why does the rain choose me?

 Why does it choose me who has nowhere to escape to?

Time intrudes on the new morning I finally found

The direction I face is not the future

 I kept chasing after the past

You, who gave me a new start by your consolations 

and the hateful and cowardly me

It’s about time… 

Fumbling, my troubles spill down my tired cheeks

Eyes that don’t want to know the past 

and fingers that can wash it all away

Scars heal at a gentle pace;  

at an unreachable distance that seems to be within reach

Will the rain ever stop, I wonder? 

For a pretty long time now it’s been cold

Why does the rain choose me?

 I wonder if it’s ok to let it cover me

The rain keeps on falling today as well knowing no end

While we quietly nestle together under the umbrella I hold

Revisits..

Yesterday I broke down... I just couldn't take it anymore. So I let it out. I wanna be free, I wanna be myself without concerning what others think of me. My life always, I mean always consists of what others thinks of me. Its all about image. Get good grades, people would look up to you. Wear this, wear that. Remember they like this, not that, win their heart.


Okay for once.. can I just toss all the ideas aside and start being me??? How on earth people would get to know me if my movement are restricted? For example.. I love visual kei. Very much. Though in my culture here, Visual Kei is like.. a really bad influence for a teenager. They always.. always associates rock music with drugs, smokes and alcohol. I want to change their point of view. I mean hey look at me, I play rock music, but you don't see me smokes or drink or do drugs no? And I can assure you I don't.


I guess I just have my own issues.. I mean I'm a muslim, so even though I play music, I also restricted my behavior. I respect the elders and the prayers. Although I'm not a saint, I don't dye my hair and do things which the religion forbids me to do. I'm well on the line. I'm not a good girl but I am not bad either. I just wanna have a free life..


Another thing which bothers me the most is whether I do have a bestfriend. I hardly mingle with girls because of my childhood. Girls that I know off are just snobs.. and gossips. I hate it. So I avoid girls and only make friends with guys, why? Because guys talks about other stuffs instead of spreading gossip of someone. All my life I only trust around 4 girls. Number 1 and always will be is my sister, not my biological sister but she took care of me ever since I was in Grade 3. She's so sweet and kind. Her name is Erni, but people call her Nana.


Second would be my classmate from Junior High School: Safra. It didn't last long.. By Grade 8 she left me and I shut myself. She's more into hanging out with girls and make-ups and fames, while me? I rather spend my time at home with my family. I'm the eldest, its my responsibility.


Third one would be my second sister, Nisa. Again not biological. I just made her my sister because we're so suited to be as sisters. She's really gentle and kind but vulnerable, while me? I need someone to love me as me and she did that. In exchange I took care of her. Make sure she's out of trouble and get good grades. I received the shock of my life when she partnered with my most worst enemy, Reo (Not his real name).


I hate him "-___- He started it all up, he always bully me, he boycott the whole class against me. Nobody wanted to be friends with me, even Safra left me so yeah I hate him. The thing is I didn't even do anything to upset him!!! Gosh.. I hate that kid.. He really made my life miserable and I really hate him for that. Good thing is he haven't met the new me. I want him to faint when he sees me. I bet he really doesn't expect me to turn into a swan, yeah you could say I was an ugly duckling.


Anyway the last one would be Diyana, though I call her  Mei-Ryen. She's my junior and we've been bestfriend for 4 years now. After Nisa I don't want to trust any more girls but Mei changed my mind. She's funny, lovable and just so.. cute~~ She's taller than me and mature than me.. I think a lot 0.0  In terms of action that is, I'm more of a child.


She really mean a lot to me. Mei is the only girl I trust now. We hanged out most of the time despite our differences in schedule. We share the same love to Tohoshinki, except that she's into Yoochun and I'm into Junsu XD


Since May, I feel my relationship with her grew apart. Mostly I blame it on another girl. Seriously I think the other girl (let's just call her Pearl) hates me based on the fact that she was once befriended with me and said that she loves me just like how a mother loves her daughter, but that didn't last long. I did something for the benefits of others and she just blew it off at me. Ever since that she never spoken to me. I tried creating a conversation but no reply. The thing that broke my heart is she said how much she love Mei and then Mei accepted her as her BFF. Now that.. is like a huge blow to me. Yeah call me jealous but I rather not share my bestfriend. Then come to think of it.. I just don't know anymore.. She's my bestfriend and I love her.. I just couldn't accept another bestfriend in the picture. So I confronted her last night and actually cried. The ending? I have no idea at all.. we sorta hung up.


What's really stressing me out now is my boyfriend, well if you could call it a boyfriend.. I mean come on.. Ok you own me.. then what next? You should bring me out, tell me you love me once in a while, not through words alone, but action speaks louder than words. If you love me more than anything I'd always be your number 1 but I'm just not right?


His action spoke for him. He's always.. I mean always busy. He put his family ahead of me. Nothing wrong with that but maybe once in a while he could put me first?.. And we hardly kiss, maybe because of our religion but I don't care. You love me then show it to me. Don't keep me locked up inside and be a pretty display for your friends or family to admire you.


Long story short I want someone like Ko-ki (of ViViD) or Kai (of GazettE). Someone who'd puts his love one before his own needs and just be there. So caring, so kind so gentle and so insanely.. insane. Haha in personality and charms. Like.. different from everybody else. Example.. Ko-Ki is really insane in fashion, he has like the most awesome outfit and eccentric hairstyle. He likes to cheer people up and would (maybe) answer the phone if you call him 3AM in the morning. His smile is so cute. His charm? He wrote songs and play the drum.

Ko-ki

Or Miku (of Ancafe.. maybe now he's in Ic5). Miku is caring, cute, kind, likes to cook and cheer people up. He's a vocalist and just love music. People might think he's weird but in Japan that word doesn't exist. 

Miku

Ok ok maybe I'm not grateful for what I have currently..but we're talking about a person which one would live with for the rest of her/his life. I just need to choose wisely. Someone where I feel safe and actually love me for me, not the me which I showed people. A fake.

The real me is someone who would toss away anything to get to my love one if he needs me at the moment. I don't care if I'm at work or how busy I am, I'd ditch it and make it up later on or tomorrow (I always have). If he's hungry I'll cook for him. If he's cold I'll find a blanket or just simple embrace him. I spend most of my time engulfing in playing music. I dressed weirdly like those two up there, insanely weird for some people. I bet to those two up there I just look like any other VK musicians, not a freak. And I tend to be really childish at time if I saw something really cute~~ Like an accessories or food.. or people XD That's where my friends usually refer me as so lovable "^_^ except 80% of the time I dodge them when they're about to hug me XD

Ok just to show you the real me. Here's some picture. Look at it and try imagining my real personality.. How am I like. How I would response to things. My tones when speaking. Or how I would begged someone for a taste of an ice-cream. 

That is when I'm rocking out with my bass.

This is me during normal hours XD

I love cute stuffs, ice-cream, chocolate, takoyaki, my bass, music, Harajuku Fashion and any legal adventurous things.

Now..

Ok to be honest, I've fallen in love with ViViD since they released their latest single on July 7th. I was just browsing a blog to get the latest news of Gazette but came across ViViD with their latest hit song: Precious. It was midnight and I was chatting with my big boss at DA. First look at ViViD's pv.. I.. gaped.. Until the end of the song and I screamed >_<


They are so cute!!!!~~~ I've always in love with a visual kei band, but then I realised that ViViD is actually an Indie rock band. I dug up more information on them and discovered that there are 5 members in ViViD. The vocalist is Shin whom coincidently share the same name with me. He's 19. I've just turned 19. Haha being a fangirl I just Gyaaaah!!~~~  Second amongst my favourite there is the bassist (I always have a thing for bassist), IV. He's also 19. IV has a very sweet, cute and innocent expression painted over his face. I share this information with my junior. He jumped over it and claimed, "THE BASSIST MINE!!~~ Senpai you can take Shin "^_^ " .. .. .. .. I just .. "-___-

This is ViViD last year (2009)

Left to right: Ryoga, IV, Shin, Ko-Ki and Reno.

ViViD as of 2010 July 7th.

Left to right: Ko-Ki, Shin, Ryoga, IV and Reno.

Amongst the list goes Ryoga and Reno the guitarists and Ko-Ki with his insanely hyper attitude~~ I fell for him in their music video 69 - II. I guess I fell for all of them deeply in that music video. Up to the point that I'm doing the song cover for 69. 


Here is the link to the video if you want to watch it ViViD - 69- II


That song meant a lot to me. II is a symbol for gemini and 69 literally means infinite.. continuously. Furthermore in the song, IV posses as a twin. I always have a thing for twins and added to that the actual meaning of the song.. I have to admit that 69 - II has just got to be my favorite song of all >_< 


Gazette.. I'm so sorry T_T Filth in the Beauty is still my favorite~~ Don't worry, you guys are no. 1. ViViD is no. 2 on the list.


So I went to search for a guitar pro version of the song at ultimate-guitar and found it. The tuning for the bass is G-C-D-C. My Toshiya is a B-E-A-D-G (from the 5th string to the 1st). Having Toshiya is an advantage because.. I don't have to tune him XD I just read the scores and play it as usual. The only problem with Toshiya is he doesn't have an amp yet. I really want to buy him one, maybe as soon as I received my first allowance in University (semester starts in August). 


Oh yeah for those who doesn't know. Toshiya is my 5 string electric bass. A Squier by Fender. He's black and white and 3 years of age in which I owned him since only 8 months ago. I'm still a beginner in playing bass but having to take piano course at my music school is a huge advantage to me. In Brunei there are seriously a lot of street musicians. They read tabs for guitar and bass. I don't. I read the scores. I can even play any scores which was meant to be for piano, on my guitar Yuuki. That is how well I can read scores.


Going back to the topic, as I am learning the song, I found one similarity between me and Shin. We have almost the same voice range. Its really easy for me to synchronize with his voice than any other vocalist. Its like he's the male version of me. I can even sing "Precious" easily. I'm enjoying it and I don't even have to restraint my voice to reach the note. Its really easy. 


 I've sent a request to my current band member although we don't have any band activities or what-so-ever, the guitarist and lead man vocal, Jack. I asked him if he want to do a cover with me of 69 - II. He said sure why not. I meant the song to be play by 3 musicians; Jack, Qays (my personal piano tutor) and me. I was thinking of Qays and Jack to play the guitars, they can then decide which guitar they would like to play, the Distortion or the Overdriven. As for me, I'm sticking to my bass. Moving on I've decided that we would do the cover while I sing the song. That's a huge responsibility which I'm not sure I can handle it (which is why I'm practicing). 


The plan is.. I would play the bass.. and sing. That is really easy if I am playing American songs (the bass is really damn easy). But this is a Japanese indie rock song and like any visual kei song, the bass is insane. If I were to compare the bass score for 69 - II with Gazette's "Silly God Disco", Silly God Disco is like a piece of cake for me to play after I learnt 69 - II. 


Toshiya is really heavy and to slide between one note to the other is really hard. Then I learnt a technique. I was merely imposing IV wearing a glove, so I took out my Gothic Lolita accessories and retrieved my cotton glove. Slide it on my left hand and try to play the song again. This time it went smoothly!!~~ 


I'll continue to practice the song and hope that I would be ready for September, the proposed date of recording. Meanwhile Amali, a songwriter who happened to be in the same college as me before dropped by my house every week to record. I offer him my studio for him to record his songs. To be honest he's really good. He's majoring in guitar and I learnt quite a few good tips from him. By next week I shall be recording a live cover for Yui's song, "Love and Truth" with Yuuki.


 On top of that I'm perfecting 3 exam scores for my piano practical exam this November. And that is were Qays came in the picture. Qays is only 3 months younger than me but he has already received his Diploma in Piano when he was younger. He's a perfect personal tutor. I'll try to come by his house every now and then to practice my piano skill as I don't have any piano at home. 


I showed my mum the video clip of 69 - II and just after a minute of intro, she closed the window.. She doesn't like that kind of music and I think she'll faint if I ever dressed up visual kei.. Or even do the hairstyle. She had a headache when I came home last year with short windy spiky hair XD


HAHAHA No I am not trying to look like a guy. As far as I'm concern, I love my long hair and I'm proud to be a girl.  Its just once in a while it is really fun to crossdress and watch those girls eyeing me. Its just so hilarious~~~ I admit I dressed differently in public. I don't want to look the same as everbody else. Thus my friend called me a weirdo, though another said that I would fit perfectly at Harajuku than in Brunei. Harajuku.. I seriously don't know where the hell is that.. but now I know.


I wish.. I can become a pro vocalist/bassist by the time I graduated from University and I really wish a company would take me in for it. I'll train. I'll train really hard. I am majoring in a medical course but truth be told music suits me more. I'm living my life as a musician. No I don't smoke (I have a lung problem) and no I don't do drugs (rock music alone can make me high), I don't dye my hair (except if the dye is washable), I don't pierce on body parts where I shouldn't (just my ears) and I'm not rude to others. I rather let the mystery engulf them until they have the guts to get to know me. In other word I'm always quiet.